We all can get terribly wrapped up in our positions. Shifting from specific to general is so easy to do–I think X and therefore most people must think X–and suddenly your personal opinion becomes a “global” one worth fighting for at all (or at least most) costs! Or, at the very least, you put so much stock into being right that you forget to listen to the other side or, worse, to keep in mind what is really most important.
This is basic human nature. We’re really good at these mental leaps and twists. They do get us in trouble, though. Even when we’re right, the way we handle it can be detrimental to our greater needs. For example, you may be completely in the right and totally justified in acting frustrated and cold to your partner when s/he shows up late to a dinner date, but all that behavior will do is ruin the dinner and the rest of the evening, at least–for you as much as for her/him! Instead, being direct (yet polite) will get you much further. Tell the offending partner “Hey, I expect you to be on time for our dates and when you’re not, I feel like I’m not a priority for you. Will you promise to make more of an effort next time to be on time, please?” And then when s/he says “I’m sorry, of course I’ll try” go on and have a lovely evening together…you may even get lucky since you didn’t get nasty about the situation. 🙂
We need to keep this in mind as we deal with business issues as well. Orphan works, lowballers, people “giving it away,” etc., these are just a few of the big issues our industry faces. We can choose how we deal with them and how we deal with those who feel differently than we do. We can choose to be respectful of the hard work and individual concerns and fears of the people who hold positions in opposition to our own. And we can remember that even when some of these people choose a different path, often our goals are the same. We thus need to keep that big picture– that we have the same goals–in our heads so that we do not destroy each other over the details.
If you want to “get lucky,” you have to forgive the mistakes and differences of others. Instead, keep the greater goal in mind and let go of the other stuff. It’s not the end of the world. You don’t always have to be right and you certainly don’t always have to prove you are. Sometimes, letting stuff go is the best way to get what you really want.