June Gloom I have mentioned before…well, actually it was May Grey, but the phenomenon is the same. Usually, it is something that starts to give way by the end of the month with July often bright and more typically summery, but today is maybe the darkest day thus far this month. The first pic (iPhone pic) I took around 9am today. It was so dark, I adjusted the levels to make the second.

But you get the point. Dark. Gloomy. Cool. Not what summer is supposed to be like.

It was good for running this morning, however. I had tried and failed at Week 4 Day 1 two days ago, on the beach. It may have been running on the sand, even though it was wet sand, or the sharp angle of the beach because of the very low tide or it may have just been my body needing a break, but I totally failed in that attempt. After about 3.5 miles and half-way through the second “run” segment I was wiped out and sore so I dropped to a walk and gave up. I walked another 1.25 or so and packed it in.

This morning, in the cool, grey, and misty (misty! in June, that’s crazy weather) air, I completed over 6 miles. Week 4 is 3 x 18 minutes running with 60 second walk breaks between segments, plus the 5-minute warmup & cool down segments. That’s 54 minutes running, plus 12 minutes walking.

I wasn’t sure I could do it. The failure was looming in my head. Also, 6 miles has been a barrier so far–I’ve gotten close, but never passed it. Finally, I woke up feeling sore and not very well rested (Benito woke me repeatedly last night). With all that, I was tempted to give myself another day off before trying again, but I forced myself to lace up the Nikes and head out. Glad I did.

This evening I got to go to the Dean’s House on Point Loma again. Lest you forget, I was there a couple of months ago for the “schmooze the new scholarship candidates” dinner. Nice location overlooking the Pacific:

This time the event was for the students who made the Dean’s List over the last academic year. That includes me. Yeah, it still seems pretty odd–Dean’s List in law school. Me. Go fig. I still have a hard time accepting that I’ve held an academic scholarship for law school. I mean, I’m no dummy, but it’s law school and expensive!

Anyway, dressed less conservatively than most of the others (I wore a dress and one of my hats), I looked around at who else was there. There were quite a few people, more than I expected, but it was for three terms so I had underestimated, I think. I looked over and saw Barakat, and that was it from my “regular” group. I was surprised. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Christina’s name on the list so I guess she couldn’t make it for some reason, but I didn’t ask ‘Kat, just in case.

I ran into this one guy whom I first met at one of the schmooze events before we started as 1Ls and whom I sat next to in Torts 2. Cute-ish tall guy who speaks rather surfer-ese, and whose name I can never remember. Yes, I’m that bad with names that I sat next to him for a whole term and can’t remember his name. Pathetic. Anyway, he introduced me to his friend (who came up to about my chest–but I was wearing heels) and said, “Leslie is hilarious–she is always cracking jokes.” I always thought he thought I was a dork since he’s one of the cooler guys on campus. I felt vaguely popular. Almost unnerving for me. (ha!)

Later, ‘Kat (not having heard the earlier remark) said “You are such the social butterfly!” and said that I talked with all sorts of people and was always all smiles. It was odd, but she’s sort of right. I do now go up and talk to people much more easily than I did before I was about 35 or so. And I do make a point of smiling and know that I stand out for how I dress and, I’ve been told, my apparent confidence (I’m a hell of an actress, I guess!). Well, if not letting fear stop me from asking questions is confidence, then, well, guilty.

Speaking of overcoming fear, I introduced myself to Professor Conte (pronounced “kon-tay” by the way) who is the lecturer for Trial Practice (and he coaches the competitive teams). I saw him standing on the other side of the pool and thought “Well, if I want to know what the workload is like in Trial Practice, here’s the man I should ask!” So I did.

Prof. Conte is a physically little man who is very good at what he does. He gave a lecture to us as 1Ls before we did our appellate advocacy competition in Legal Skills 2 and he looked like Central Casting sent a high-priced defense attorney–who’d been left in the dryer too long. Maybe it’s partially “little man syndrome” but I would not want to argue against him. Ever. Actually, he’s very personable and has a warm smile, when he’s not intimidating the hell out of you. To my question he said the work was variable depending on the student, of course, but gave me a range of time for prep. I think it’s doable. I’m going to go for it.

I also spoke with Prof. Thyfault, my Legal Skills prof whom I didn’t really like. She spoke with Barakat and me, but mostly because she likes Barakat, I think. Previously, I exchanged a few words with the Dean and his wife before he gave his little speech congratulating us on making it onto “a good list to get on in law school” and for having done something difficult; he ended by expressing his belief we had great futures ahead of us. Later, I joked with the Assistant Dean for Academic Support asking what sort of event the school puts on for the people on the “bad” list (she laughed and said “They come see me”).

Finally, I thanked Prof. Lynch for having convinced me I could do this. I will always remember him fondly for that.

So, here’s a pic with a couple of my profs in it. The one whose name I can’t remember is one of the profs for the pre-bar review class I’ll take next term (he walks just like Coach/gym teacher Larry Larson from Grandview).

I hope I do well my last term. I’d like to come to one more of these, even if as an alumna. Have I mentioned that I love my school?

No, that’s not an earthquake. It’s how far I ran this morning: 5.8 miles total (just over 5.25 actually running). Week 3 Day 1 of the B210K app meant running for 17 minutes, times 3, with 60 second breaks, plus the 5 minute warm-up and cool-down walks. That’s 51 minutes of running. Clearly, I’m slow (5.9 mph, ish, when running), but I’m doing it so I’m still impressed with myself.

This morning I finished in pain, however. No, it wasn’t my legs or my lungs, it was a friction rash just below and slightly behind my armpits on my sides (much worse on the right side) where, I guess, my arm and torso rub a bit. Hurt like hell near the end, although it didn’t look too bad afterwards. I run in what is essentially a heavy-duty sport bra, so there is nothing but skin there. I’m not rubbing against the top, I mean. I’d expect to get chafing from my loose shorts on my inner thigh or something, maybe, but not skin on skin like that. I don’t swing my arms much (I read it’s better to move your lower arms up/down but to keep your upper arms more still), but apparently there is enough motion and contact to make for unhappy skin. Very unhappy skin.

Clearly, I need to find a solution to this. I had a start of a similar rash last time out, but I thought maybe it was just acne or something. I didn’t realize what it was until this morning’s run. Ouch. A couple of people on Facebook have suggested vaseline. Ick, but if I don’t find something better, I’ll give it a try. Wearing something with sleeves is right out because of how hot & sweaty I get. I feel like I’m smothering in the sweat-wicking small t-shirt I sometimes start out wearing when it’s really cool in the morning–something with more coverage will kill me.

My rambling point to all this is how my progress is threatened by the last thing I would have expected to be a problem. Muscle pulls, breathing issues, dehydration, foot pain, there are a bunch of issues I have tried to anticipate and protect against, but side chafing wasn’t even on my radar.

I wish I had known about this problem last night so that I could have asked some of my friends at dinner. I know a couple of them run, including the guest of honor. It was Barakat’s birthday dinner (she’s a classmate) so a bunch of CWSL folks, mostly girls, went out for Thai food to celebrate. Lovely evening with only one downside–parking was impossible. I ended up parking half-way across downtown practically. Not a big deal for me, though, since I don’t mind walking, even in the heels I wore last night.

Anyway, the food was lovely. I had a Thai noodle soup with red chili that was just spicy enough to make my forehead sweat, but not burning to the palate at all. I have leftovers for today. Yum.

And the conversation was good. We had a lively, laughing debate about whether Professor Yeager really is the worst-meanest-most arrogant prof ever or if he’s only evil to 1Ls (I say “yes”–even if the latter is true, so is the former), and whether Professor Lynch is a sexist bastard (I say “no”–he’s utterly un-PC and insults everyone equally, which is one of the reasons I like him so much). I got everyone to laugh hard when I said that my biggest question about Yeager was how he managed not to topple over since he has the smallest feet I’ve ever seen on an adult male, adding “he’s got to buy his shoes in the boys’ department!”

We also discussed how much work was involved in Trial Practice, which, I’m happy to report, isn’t as much as I feared. I think I’m going to go for it, even if the class is late in the day and I may not have any of my friends in my workshop/section. Even if I didn’t have a good time otherwise, which I did, hearing about the workload was worth the price of the evening.

Well, I just registered for my last term of law school. Where the hell did the time go?! I swear I just started law school, and now I’m almost done… and feeling not-at-all prepared…

…except when I do…

…which is occasionally… like yesterday after I hung up the phone with Dad (who was asking a legal question to refresh his memory) I remembered about actions of apportionment in real property. Huzzah!

But mostly I feel like there is still so much to learn. Lots of courses I’d take if I could just putter my way through. I just love the learning and there is so much more to know! However, especially being on scholarship, I have to get done and move on with life. So, I registered. Last term. Wow.

Actually, my schedule is not completely settled. I’m struggling with it so I over-registered and will drop a class. I don’t like to do that since it takes a seat from someone else, but the automated waitlist system works well and I’ll make up my mind sooner rather than later. I hope.

So, for my last term, I will be taking the following courses:

• Federal Income Tax (just what it sounds like…a bear, I’m sure, but very helpful)
• California Evidence (recommended, but not required, for bar preparation)
• California Civil Procedure (ditto, plus I like CivPro)
• Telecommunications Law (good for IP issues and I’m taking it with an extra non-credit course that meets 3x, for scholarly writing credit)
• Pretrial Practice (motions and depositions, etc., for civil cases)
• Pre-Bar Review (no credit, but required to get the massive CWSL discount on the BarBri course)

and then, either Negotiation or Trial Practice. Negotiation is considered an easy course and the skills are certainly useful. Trial Practice is a lot of work, but in it one does (with a partner) a mock bench trial and a mock jury trial (I sat on a mock jury my first term, which is a prereq. for this) and, individually, in-class opening & closings plus learn about voir dire, etc.

I want to do TP. I’m just not sure I can with everything else. I’ll probably stick with it though. In the CA bar exam, there is a practical part (Performance Test)–where you have to actually perform like a lawyer. TP would be helpful for that as well. Plus it sounds like fun, mostly. But Negotiation I could probably get through without breaking a sweat (the grade is based on class participation and a journal…as long as you keep up with it, that’s easy-peasy).

What to do?

Is a puzzlement, as the King of Siam would say.

This morning I started Week 2 of the B210K app; that meant an increase of time and a change in the run/walk ratios. In Week 1 it was run 10 minutes, walk 1 minute, repeat 3 times (4o minutes running with 3 breaks total). Now, it’s run 15, walk 1, repeat twice (45 minutes running with 2 breaks total). Today, I ran (according to GoogleMaps) 4.97 miles total. Missed 5 miles by a hair. Damn!

To be clear, that is including 5 minutes of walking warm-up and a couple of minutes walking cooldown (I got home with a few minutes remaining on the 5-minute cooldown), so it’s not really running the whole way, but almost. Next time I hope to break 5 miles. Can’t believe I missed it by such a tiny bit today.

Anyway, just now, as I drove over to the post office to mail some things, it dawned on me how quickly I’ve done this. I started running around April 1 (may have been a day or two earlier). I’ve gone from struggling to run for 90 seconds (not even a block!) to running about 5 miles in 2.5 months. Holy crap!

I won’t lie… it’s work. It’s not easy to do, but it’s worth it. I feel better. As I sit here, not totally relaxed but resting, my pulse is about 60. And I know I breathe better overall now. My recovery time is shorter than I would have expected and even when I’m pushing like I was this morning (turns out I was running at less than 100%–I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me yesterday), when I finish I’m not falling on the ground or doubled-over (well, not for more than a breath or two).

I also had to get past my hip/leg/back issues, but I did. Instead of stopping when I got that familiar pain, I kept going. I got acupuncture, I stretched, and I took Advil (which I almost never do), but I didn’t stop running. I kept to the schedule. And now I’m essentially pain-free (“essentially” because when I don’t pay attention to relaxing my shoulders in the run, I get upper back/neck discomfort). I think it was a case of having to get past the hump of being out of shape or something. I still will get an occasional “tightening” on that left side, but I stretch and that seems to take care of it. I haven’t even gotten needles in over a month.

And all that at 44 and in such a short time. The human body is pretty amazing.

Today was my last run of the first week of the Bridge to 10K (B210K) app. It was cold and misty and fairly windy for the run this morning. I wonder if that contributed to the fact the run felt harder than usual and I was a bit slow. Hmmm. Dunno, but I did it, June Gloom and wind notwithstanding.

Afterwards, as I am doing pretty regularly now, I stripped out of my sweat-soaked running clothes (I had no idea I could sweat that much–pretty sure the clothes are wring-able after a run in cool morning air!) and put on my swimsuit and did laps. The water felt a tad chillier than it did last time too, but not bad and I was fine before I finished my first lap. I do mostly breaststroke and backstroke, but mix it up a bit. I think those two use the parts of me that don’t get used as much with the running and, thus, make for a good addition to the workout and cooldown, especially the breaststroke since it has the frog kick and the arms.

But it’s not like I’m swimming any great distances. Generally I swim for between 10-15 minutes post-run and they are gentle laps too. I’m not racing, by any means. Still, it really seems to help, especially the odd ball-of-the-foot knotty-pain I sometimes get in my left foot. The left side of me is all sorts of wonky already (just built funny on that side, I think), so I’m not surprised that I only get the discomfort on that side. Anyway, I think the toe pointing, etc., works out the tight knot I get in the ball of my foot after I run and it stretches the other bits as well. I generally feel much better post-swim than I would before after only a walking cooldown.

Anyway, when I got out of the pool and, shortly after, out of the shower, I was watching the morning news when the weather bunny talked about the current temperature: 59ºF. Then it dawned on me what I have been doing: swimming in under 60º air temperatures. What the hell am I thinking?! Sure, the pool’s water is closer to 80º, but have I completely lost my mind? Normally, I would never think of getting into the pool in such cold air, but after a run I’m happy to slide into the water.

I think maybe, since I get so sweaty in cool temps, lose all strength if the sun is out when I run, and feel comfortable swimming in such cold air, that my previous suspicions of being poorly designed for heat may be accurate. Even driving in full sun with my top down can make me overheat faster than other folks. Hmmm. Maybe I’m onto something…

…or I’m just brain damaged.

I was looking for something else and came across this letter I got during my high school trip to France at age 15. It really struck me as I read it for the first time in probably 25 years or so. I’ve transposed it here as accurately as possible, including the odd paragraph formatting.

2/27/81

Dear Leslie–

Well I knew it! Jim Bo called last nite to say he wasn’t coming home. I’m really getting bored––one more week to go then I’ll wonder why I was so anxious to have you back––phones will bug me––no privacy––waiting up for you––I must be masochistic!

Hope you don’t embarrass yourself on your return by neglecting to send cards to Teresa*–Gr. Ma–Aunt Rose–Martha* (*they gave you farewells & it would be bad taste not to write). John & Jim would like to show off their “little sister” in Europe.

DO IT! You and J.C. – I swear! Best intentions but you don’t do. It’s selfish and sometimes you must know you owe it to others, Preach – Preach – Preach!

And you owe it to yourself to see everything & take pictures of all you can to keep when you’re an old lady and bore everyone with it – like I do about my youth.

And keep your journal. Boy it’s early in the morning and I feel preachy! Not peachy! I may go downtown on the bus as it is the end of the month and I have $$ left over!! No big bucks but a few! I sent Gr Ma’s card with my check–I was afraid to send 10.00 bill in mail — see if you can cash my check in France.

Love you & your friends

Mom

People now are so surprised to find that I have confidence and perfectionism issues. People like me and even admire me, but I so often feel like I haven’t done enough or don’t rate the appreciation, thanks, or whatever.  When I read this all I could think was: Duh!

Well, I guess I’m addicted. After finishing the Couch to 5K program a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been running 5K  (3.1 miles) or more every other day. Now that the pool is finally warm enough, I’ve been following that up with doing easy laps (mostly as a cool-down). And yet, I haven’t been feeling really satisfied with this routine. Something has been missing.

Sure, I get my nice hit of endorphins from running and I feel better generally after a run. And sure, I get feedback (although not terribly accurate) from the Nike+ app as I’m pounding out the miles (time elapsed, pace, distance). That’s all good. So is the swimming, which is easier to do breathing-wise now (I was a panter/gulper of air before I started running). But I was missing a sense of accomplishment and pushing that I had gotten used to doing the C25K program.

So last night I bought the Bridge to 10K app, by the same makers as the other.

This morning, after checking my feet to see if the blisters had healed enough (I got blisters on the bottoms of my feet Saturday night–from shoes that have never rubbed before, poo!), I laced up the Nikes and fired up the new app. The familiar male voice filled my head with “Warm up” and off I went.

The first day the program is like this:

• fast walk for 5 minutes to warm up
• 10 minutes running
• 1 minute walking
• 10 minutes running
• 1 minute walking
• 10 minutes running
• 1 minute walking
• 10 minutes running
• 5 minutes walking cool-down.

That’s 40 minutes of running overall, which is more than I had been doing generally (I do 3.25 miles in less than 30 minutes regularly now).

For the record, the 60-second breaks are really helpful, but did you know that 60 seconds can feel like 10 sometimes? More than once I felt like “Hey… that couldn’t have been 60 seconds… I’ve only had 2 breaths, I’m sure!).

Still, I did it. I did several laps around the three long blocks near my house, listening to Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me (the entire episode in one workout… eeek!) and made it through in pretty good shape. When I checked my distance, I had run, including the walking during warm-up and about half the cool-down (I got home before the whole 5 minutes was done) somewhere between 4.5 and 5 miles. I’m not 100% sure because the Nike+ said it was just more than 5 miles and I had a hard time remembering my exact number of times around the various blocks to plot it on Google Maps. I’m sure it wasn’t less than 4.5, though. Best guess? 4.7.

Even if it were the lowest possible 4.5, that is easily my longest run so far. Un-friggin’-believable. And something I might not have tried to do myself.

That’s what I was missing… that external push to try more, to go farther. I know I need to learn to internalize that better, as well as to know when enough is enough, but in the meantime, I like having someone else’s voice in my head encouraging/pushing me to do better. I like having a goal laid out for me rather than trying to think up my own (I do that enough, I think). I think I’m addicted to doing better/more.

Whatever it is, I really enjoyed my run today, and the swim after. I feel like I accomplished something. I like that. And if I can get through this program and actually be able to run 10K (6.2 miles) I will be really proud of myself. Just like I was for completing the C25K program.

So I got my grades a couple of days ago and, as most of you know, I did well. Or at least, well enough. I made the Dean’s List and got an “Academic Achievement Award” in one class. The AAA means I got the highest grade in that class which, in my case, was a perfect 95/95. Holy academia Batman! Okay, it wasn’t a particularly grueling course, academically-speaking, but still… a perfect grade. Wow.

It’s hard for me, though, to feel like I’ve really earned all that I have received academically. I mean, I think I should have done better. Yes, that’s my screwed up thinking. When you do the math, I got about a 90% overall last term and I should be impressed with myself, but I have to force myself not to focus on the 10% that I didn’t get. But then again, I still keep waiting for someone to walk into one of my classes, tap me on the shoulder to follow him/her, and quietly tell me in the hall that there has been a mistake and that I shouldn’t be in the classes at all and will be required to pay back the scholarship.

I know, I know. Not logical at all.
Just smack me upside the head when you see me. M’kay?

Anyway, today in the mail I got another reason why I love my school: I got an invitation to a reception honoring those students who made Dean’s List in the past academic year. At the Dean’s house. On Point Loma. RSVP? Why yes, I’ll be there. You bet.

I just hope no one there taps me on the shoulder.