Archive for May, 2009
I try to get all my school reading for the week done over the weekend. I should be finishing up that first read now (I read pretty much everything again throughout the week), but I’ve hit the wall and just do not feel like it. I’m ready for tomorrow, of course, and have some classes prepped for the week, but others, not so much. I tend to start with the stuff I don’t enjoy so what is left is easier to get done. I’ll get there.
I also have an article to write for a law school/young lawyer online pub. Oh, and there’s a bunch of work-work stuff to do. Looks like I may have my first client, two weeks after essentially re-launching after taking my first academic year off, and others are expressing significant interest.
In other words, life is crazy again.
I think it’s mostly a good crazy, though. I’m getting out more than I have in forever. Last week I had the two work events, but I also had dinner with “the girls” (friends from law school) on Friday. I’m getting to know some new friends as well as reconnecting with some old ones–next weekend I’m going to an open house party and the guy who is throwing it (with his wife) is someone I went to elementary school with!
Of course, I’m still recovering from the break-up and can’t say that everything is light and happiness, but I feel like I’m dealing well with what life has flung at me. I’ve been extremely lucky to have some great friends–some of whom I didn’t know cared as much as they do until this bad thing happened.
And though I’m mostly physically alone on the weekends, there is always someone to catch up with on Facebook or email, and I have my books to dig through, the pool to swim in, the beach to walk on, and the cats to talk to.
Alone, yes. Lonely? No, mostly not.
Mondays and Tuesdays may kill me this term. They are some looong days. While technically I don’t have class until after 10am on Mondays, finding parking after 8am gets dicey, so I get to school early and I am in class until 12:05, then have lunch, then back-to-back classes until 4:15. On Tuesdays I have my BizOrgs at 8am, CrimPro at 10:50 until 12:05, lunch, Evidence “tutoring” from 1-2, then Evidence class from 2:40 to 3:55.
The rest of the week gets lighter–two classes on Wednesday plus a tutoring class, Thursday two classes (unfortunately at opposite ends of the day), and Friday just the 8am class–but the week starts with a heavy load of work.
This week I have added activities–two photo events. I’ll be out with the local photogs both Wednesday and Thursday evenings. While technically work, it’ll be a nice break from the books, especially since one of my favorite people (an ASMP SB2 co-presenter) Judy will be Thursday’s speaker. Probably drinks after.
Makes the 8am Friday BizOrgs a bear, but I can sleep after.
Things have been kind of tough lately. The emotions in a break-up come and go, well, like the waves. I have good days, then tough ones, then I’m laughing again. Usually, when I’m blue, I go to the ocean and I feel better.
When I got up early, I thought a long on the beach would be a good way to start the day. Last evening had been on the down side, so I thought this way I could kick-start the positive emotions. I headed over to La Jolla Shores, which is the closest beach and where I usually go.
When I got there, the sea greeted me thusly:
It was churning inside of the break with good sized sets outside. There was mist in the air and as the sun was just rising over the mountains to the east the light was diffuse and, well, grey. It was simultaneously stunning and profoundly melancholy. The beauty, especially of the cliffs in the mist, could take one’s breath away; looking out into the surf, tears welled.
“Just what I needed,” I thought, “my emotions on display on a geologic scale.” Frankly, I’m surprised the gods didn’t wrap the whole thing up with a minor temblor.
Dramatic? Yes, maybe I am being dramatic, but it really was that kind of morning. Something more than just the usual surfers-and-happy-dogs walk on the beach. It was 4+ miles of in and out, ups and down–tears and thought and many deep breaths.
I love to skim the pool. I know, that sounds really odd, but it is oddly meditative. I have a new skimmer net thingy (I’m sure there is some proper name…wait…googling…a-ha! it is a leaf rake, which seems mighty odd since there is nothing rakish about it except that it is on a pole–by that logic, my rolling bag and the basketball hoop across the street would be rakes…anyhoo…where was I…) which makes it much easier to reach the stuff at the bottom of the pool. And there is often plenty of stuff on the bottom, as there is a tree which overhangs part of the pool. Even with a cover, lots of stuff gets in there.
So today I came home from school and took the cover off the pool because the pool guy comes tomorrow. I like to uncover it myself rather than let him heap the cover messily someplace (actually, the pool guy gave me the leaf rake in trade because he broke a decorative votive holder a couple of weeks ago). When I removed the cover, I noticed the water was warm. Finally. And the air was warm. Finally.
I grabbed the leaf rake and walked the sides of the pool, enjoying the light and the feel of the sun reflecting off the water while I skimmed. The sound of the birds, the cats playing, and the pole going through the water…it was all pretty close to perfect. Breathe, sweep, smile, step, repeat.
I went inside, checked email, etc., dug through my dresser, changed, and took my first real swim of the year.
Late this year–usually I’m in there in early April or so. I was in the pool once or twice earlier, but not for real swimming. It’s been too cold outside mostly, or the water was like ice. But today was perfect. Today I did laps. It was glorious, even if my shoulders did call me evil names as I backstroked over and over.
Afterwards, I felt calm, relaxed, tired from the exercise, but very, very much alive. Almost as good as surfing.
I don’t know how I’ll ever afford to live here on my own for long. The rent is insane, but damn, I love having that pool. The house is a dump in many ways, and the pool is even missing decorative tiles, but it’s there and I love swimming. I hate the thought of having to move into some apartment with shared walls, even if it has a shared pool. Ick. Sure, it’s a little thing in some ways, considering the break up and all, but having a house with a pool is probably the thing that got me to stop hating living out here. I really was pretty miserable before the pool. I don’t want to give it up.
I have a few months until I’ll really have to go, unless business takes off. In the meantime, I’m going to keep skimming and swimming.
It’s been one hell of a break. One week, two weekends, and in that time I have cleaned house pretty well, both literally and metaphorically.
As probably all of you who read this blog know, Christopher and I have split. He has moved out, to his parents’ house for now. It’s amicable, inasmuch as any split can be. His stuff is still mostly here and I’m not rushing to find a new place to live though I will have to (just for economic reasons) eventually. My plan is to find a great place to make my home rather than just a place, and that will likely take time…especially since everything is still so friggin’ expensive here.
So, after this time to get my head on straight, I think I’ve gotten there…or at least enough there to be able to deal with the new term. I’m taking 5 classes which may be insanity, though my advisor said he thought I could do it fine. The reading for the first week was a big pile and if every week is going to be like that, I’m not so sure he was right. Evidence, Criminal Procedure, Professional Responsibility, Constitutional Law, and Business Organizations–16 hours–I’m crazy.
At the very least, being swamped with classes (and now work too) will keep my mind busy. I hope to have enough time to make some money and to stay here at least through the swimming season.
I’m pretty sure that makes me a selfish pig, but I’ll live with that.
I did a little “retail therapy” over the break, which helped my mental state some. Nothing too extravagant–the biggest purchase was a great pair of strappy heels from DSW for less than $60. Now I need a good excuse to wear them. Perhaps one of the upcoming photo events here in town (in May there are 2 photo organization events) although they may be a tad over-the-top.
I think a little over-the-top is just the ticket, though, to rebuild the wounded ego.
Especially when most of my life will be nose-in-books and about as far away from over-the-top as you can get.